Fragility

I lost a friend today. Well, actually, I lost him about a month ago, but just found out today. Iain O'Cain, one of my old friends from Arbornet, the bbs in Ann Arbor in which I used to be quite active, committed suicide last month. I hadn't seen him in over six years. He and his wife had moved to Alberta shortly before I moved to Cleveland. I had not tried to get in touch; now I wish I had.

A funny thing, just a few days ago I was going through some papers and I ran across the little scrap that had the only contact information for them: a login ID and password for the small bbs they were running at the time they left. I was welcome to join; I just never did. More synchronicity: one of my co-workers at the job I just left was named Iain. It's a not-too-common spelling of a not-too-common name, at least in this country. So of course I had thought of my old friend more than usual this summer.

Still more synchronicity: Iain was diagnosed with clinical depression while we were still in touch. I knew he was on medication for it, but I had no idea how severe it was; as I understand it the depression was what finally drove him to take his own life. I have been struggling with depression for years also; fortunately mine seems to be in remission. But I was in a place once upon a time when I could have gone there. What saved me? Two other friends who had gone there before, and friends and especially family who would have suffered terribly and needlessly if I had.

What a fragile thing is life and the strength to cling to it. What a wonderfully strong thing is love and its power to uphold life. I say "I love you" alot compared to some folks, and I mean it every time I say it. I think we cannot say it too often. It might save a life.